Here we go!

This morning Doug and I met with my medical oncologist. Her name is Dr. Neela Natarajan and I really like her. She pulls no punches very much like Dr. Karp. She was honest in saying that there are more hot spots than the two tumors. They are looking at me with someone with a systemic disease. I am not longer typical since this all happened so fast and that the chances are I will have a recurrence. By doing chemo first, it is more likely that when the Dr Karp operates, he will more easily find clean and clear margins. IF we did surgery now and then did the chemo, it is probably that the cancer could spread in the three to four weeks between the two and I would end up having my chest wall become involved, etc. Did you know that I am on of the 80% of women who don't have any family history? My bio-mom is quick to say it must be my bio-dad's side but who knows. We talked about genetic counseling and the pros and cons of finding out whether this is going to lead to another breast cancer or ovarian cancer - both of which are at high odds if you have the gene. then there's my girls. Do I have them tested if I am positive and just put it on their records? What about when it is time to get life insurance? Can they be discriminated against?

Also found out a little more about the side effects of the first round of AC. the younger the woman the more difficult it is to stop the nausea. So after I lose 20 pounds throwing up, then I will start getting pissed! I will start going to the dentist more often if that is true.

I have not cut my hair yet. I have a call into my stylist so that I can get in sometime when things aren't too busy before Thursday - the day I have my first treatment. Oh and about that, they will be from 4 to 5 hours long. They have to draw blood, then administer the pre-chemo drugs to combat nausea white and red blood cell recovery, etc. Can this really be happening to me? I don't see a future. I just see the hand in front of my face and if it is able to carry things and scrape wallpaper then I guess I am good. There is no doubt that my life has changed. I am not one of the typical cases of breast cancer. I am one of a few. I need to talk tot he genetics counselor. Neela said to wait a bit and deal with this because she will be doing many many MRI's and CAT Scans during the process to find out how I am going. And since there is no test for ovarian cancer, she doesn't want me to jump right into thinking that every pain is cancer. Should I have the other breast removed? We will hopefully be able to see as we progress int he chemo. Right now I am schedule for every other Thursday. I could still go down to Hilton Head with the family but we would have to return earlier than we planned. Or at least I would. I am sure the kids would love to stay until the end of vacation with their cousins. That is something to really think about. With appointments running so long, who is gong to have the time to come with me? My friends all have kids and job? Doug is supposed to be gone the entire week of December12 - 16. What do I do then? I don't think that people know what they are getting into when they tell me they are willing to help. I want to start planning for the weekends that I am in "off" mode to so really fun things with the family. YM idea of really fun is to run off to new and exciting places. Murphy and Jenny et al are going to Guatemala in February and I think I will try to go there with them. who knows.