Monday Monday

The long weekend being finished, I look forward with great trepidation and anxiety to this Thursday at 12:45pm when I will start my chemo. I can't believe that I have to poison myself so badly to try and stop this disease - and with the thought of recurrence in the front of my mind, my future seems consumed with this. Kim promised me that the first chemo won't leave me too ill. "It's a cumulative thing". That would be great since Julianna is performing in the Albany Berkshire Ballet's Nutcracker on Saturday afternoon. There is all this talk about a port - everyone keeps asking me about it. I will discuss with Dr. Natarajan on Thursday but I really am not cool about getting something surgically implanted right yet. Perhaps I can try a couple of times or they can insert something without surgery. The more I read about them, the sicker I get to my stomach. I went to get my nails done today so I feel kinda done for the weekend. I will get my haircut sometime before Thursday afternoon - have to talk to my stylist. I think I would like a massage and a facial too but...the HOUSE! We have not sold this one and we are under the gun to finish the other one enough so that we can move in. Doug did an awesome job gutting the bath upstairs. But since John is "missing" again, he has no help. There is no way he can do this alone. So we are meeting with our contractor tomorrow morning to get the estimate for him to finish it. Then we will have to set up a payment plan of some kind. Damn John for bailing right after I paid him! Just spoke to Adele who is being so terrific to us. Talked to Michelle earlier and she is coming up the week of the 16th to help me out.

I am very scared of this whole thing...I can't imagine sitting there getting pumped full of poison. Even the procedure has many side effects. UGGG.