This is a recent picture taken by Julianna. I even have my fake boob on! Can you tell which one it is? 

Radiation

I had my ninth radiation treatment today. I have started to get a little sunburned but nothing too overwhelming. I have hit a down patch right now. I am finding it very hard to look at myself and see much of what was me left. I have always been a redhead and now I am not. They say that once the cells are fully restored that my hair should come in red again but now it can't decide whether it is blond or brown. My pubic hair is definitely brown, dammit!I can't wear my tank tops as I used to in the hot weather without the worry of my boob falling over the top when I lean forward. the bra's that the boob fits into with a pocket are big and bulky and although they work in a t-shirt, anything with straps thinner than two inches doesn't work. Oh yes, everyone is showing their bra straps now but it isn't the same!

I guess that is enough ranting for now. It still sucks though! Thanks for all the comments about the pictures.

 

 

 

 

Radiation

Well, I got my tattoos for my radiation therapy which will start on Thursday. I have been advised vigorously by everyone I have talked to that this is the best way to be as sure as possible that there will not be a local recurrence. Dr. Girsh wants me to wait six months before my reconstruction - as I expected. I meet with the Lahey reconstrutor on Thursday and then the ones at Brigham and Women's in June. We'll See. At least Dr. Girsh said that even if I am not finished, she is giving me the first week of July off to be on the Cape! I am still in some pain but it is mostly the pressure from the swelling under my arm that is the problem. And I can't reach directly above my head. But I guess that will come in time. Still not feeling very good about my appearance. But again, it is that swelling under my arm that makes me look like an old lady.

I am going on another cruise. My sister in law and I are leaving Friday out of Boston for two nights at sea on the new Freedom of the SEas. It will be a nice diversion.

I am going to post some pix from our California trip her soon. I think the pictures will tell much more than my writings.

On Mother's Day, my mom wrote a very nice toast about celebrating the beginning of my new life. It was very sweet but I am still right in the middle of this speed bump. More treatments, the reconstruction, and the first year of being "out" of the cancer game with that threat always hanging over my head. I will never be the same as I was pre-cancer. I will always be looking for the next lump or something to show up somewhere. However, I am stronger for the journey so far and really have changed. I am as likely to tell you what you want to hear but what I feel is the truth. I am looking at being a part time worker very differently as my kids are growing and getting more involved in activities. I want to share the wonders of the world with them now and not worry so much about paying for college, etc. Doug hates that thought. But I will also be taking care of me more. I will not feel guilty about taking time to get a facial or some such thing. I will sign back up for a yoga class once my treatments are over and I will continue to believe in the power of meditation and breathing now and later. Once this flooding rain stops, I will go out and do more gardening - as much as I can. I saw the sun for the first time in days for about 1 minute today! This weather is not helping me, you know.

Anyways, here come some pictures soon.

Me

It is very hard to type still. Just wanted everyone to know that all 11 nodes were negative, my margins were clear and the 5cm tumor was only 1/2 cm. Drains are out but my arm is still sore and swollen underneath.