After Taxol

Well, I didn't have an allergic reaction to the Taxol which was good. But I did end up with the aches and pains that come about 2 days after the treatment. Some felt like flu and others felt like being hit with a hammer in certain places at random times. It sucks! But, I will live through it. I go for my special blood test for my genetic testing tomorrow. I really am anxious to know the results so that I can try to prepare myself for what the surgery is going to be.

I have been thinking about when I can breathe between the chemo and the surgery or whether I should wait until after the surgery. I kinda would like some time with both breasts to be able to chill out at the timeshare in the DR. But then I think I should wait and see when I am officially cancer free. But what if that doesn't happen? And how long will it be until the re-construction? I really am still having a hard time not being in control of my life. But then I take a deep breath and remind myself that something else has me in control but it won't be forever.

Today is Tuesday and I start Taxol on Thursday. A little afraid of the unknown. But then again, Doug left yesterday morning on business and I spent last night alone in the new home. No problems!
Meaghanne has been diagnosed with full blown asthma and is on a week of two different inhalers until she can be checked again next week. She is being a real trooper and was sincerely surprised after they did a treatment at the doctor's office last night. Her chest didn't feel heavy and it was easier to breathe. I think she thought it was usually that hard to breathe, poor thing!
Kids have both taken to the move well. Already (or still) their rooms are a mess of toys and clothes to be put away.
Although my phones were both working on Saturday, they have been down since Sunday morning and with the snow yesterday, Comcast was taken off the road! Funny, I still had to go get my kids at school!
Back to work on weddings!
I will try to post on Thursday after my treatment.
Thanks to everyone for their wonderful Birthday wishes. Although the actual day was pretty hard, Doug and I got some alone time on Saturday morning for brunch at Espalier!

Look what I received!

My friend Karin, who lives down South, sent me this and I wanted to post it. It really made me smile.


Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
We Love YOU
Happy Birthday
and may all your
Dreams come true
When you Blow out the Candles
One Light stays Aglow
Its the love light in your eyes
Where 'ere you go

***one of Elias' favorite songs by Harry Chapin's brother Tom Chapin, who makes music for small people

I love you and I'm thinking about you every day. I would like to be there to help you unpack-you know my OCD comes in handy on moving day and I promise I wouldn't let any cats escape this time (remember Forge Gate in Cold Spring??)
Take those deep breaths. Here come the strength vibes.
Karin

Today is my birthday - 39 years. A different life than I thought I would be leading. Just have to plow on. At least we have moving people coming tomorrow and that I will sleep in the new house tomorrow night...So much to do....

It is Tuesday before my last AC treatment. We have finally set a date for the move and are hiring movers to do the big stuff on January 20. That way we have the weekend after to move the little stuff. this weekend, Doug will concentrate on finishing up the punch list and continue moving boxes from here to there. Doug's parents have graciously offered to pay for the moving people. Ken was with Doug all weekend working and Rich came up to lend a hand on Sunday. I guess since Doug yelled and screamed he has gotten everything out since last weekend. He continued to be very upset about Julianna's room and I need to just learn how to ignore that. But I don't want Julianna's self esteem to suffer with everyone telling her that her choice was wrong. She actually told me that she was sure that Doug wouldn't even come into her room since he hates it so much. That is not good. I wish Doug would use the services of our social worker in order to vent his anger about everything. He has a right to be angry but I really am not supposed to have that type of stress right now and venting to me has me picking up on it. I am still very short with him and on edge with the kids with everything. I have feeling more "up" since Saturday finally. Throwing myself into work has helped me get through. Michelle sent me a note that Krishna Das is having a Kirtan locally on Friday and teaching and chanting on Saturday. I will have to see how I am feeling because that would really get my spiritual energies flowing.

Some stuff

I found out on Tuesday? that my insurance had denied the request for genetic testing. They said I wasn't fitting their criteria of 1st or second generational cancer. I immediately called my risk manager and she said that she was going to get Dr. Karp on it. I know once he gets things, he is like a dog with a tug toy so if anyone could do it he could.

In the meantime yesterday I basically broke down and have not sprung very far up. The stress of everything going on around me is way too much for me to handle. When I mentioned that Doug ask his parents to come up it invoked a holy hell of screaming at me - and he said he wasn't resentful of me. I had to hear about money and timing and lists and doing his "real" job and all other stuff. Then he said that he was going to have to travel for a week and that he was going to ask his parents to come up then. To me that doesn't make any sense. He didn't even tell me what week this was going to be! I told him to sell the freakin house and that I wished I would have to be admitted to the hospital. I still do, kinda. I have a huge upper lip because my lips stuck together Wednesday night and when I opened my mouth Thursday morning, all the skin from the top middle of my lip came off. This morning it was so big I had to make an appointment with my doctor. She doesn't think it is an infection but I do have an ear infection so we are treating that with Amoxicillin.

As soon as I walked int the door from my doctor, Dr. Karp called to say that he had a little talk with the Tufts guy. Basically the Tufts guy read the form incorrectly. What a dim bulb. so mow we wait for the new letter stating that the test will be paid for and then line me up for another blood sample. The results take about a month but then I will know more about what surgery (s) to do.

I am getting tired and weary of this. It seems that everyone and everything would be better off without me. I am getting in the way too much of progress or something. I just hate it.

Here is a pic from Christmas morning. As you can see, both Doug and I are appearance challenged! 

Some pictures

This is Julianna dressed as a Reindeer for the Albany/Bershire Ballet performance of the Nutcracker - Just sooo cute! 

A New Year

The girls have been with their cousins since Friday afternoon and so Doug and I have been childless. They are having such a good time and boy do they deserve it. Many, many, many thanks to Beth and Jenny for making their little tour of New England (and First Night Boston) such a great time for them and allowing me to really sleep during this time. I can't wait to see pictures and I can't wait to see them later today.

This new year thing is weird. Doug is starting a new position at work and feels very far behind with everything (which is really per usual) including the new house. He asked what I wanted for my birthday and said that I would like to be moved in by that following weekend. It would be so nice. He said last night that he wasn't ready to start the new year. I feel like there hasn't been a change. My head is down and pushing through the days so that I can get to the other side of this thing. This last treatment has left me foggy, unstable and VERY dry eyed! Doug has to be in California leaving tomorrow and returning early Thursday. It is supposed to snow here tomorrow. It's like "wake up and get going again, Kimberly!" I will do my best! I was looking back a previous New Years and thinking about how last year, I had no idea what I was in for. And this year starts pretty much in the same way...I have a schedule, but no real path. Things can change at any minute and I am not the sort that can handle that well. I am getting better though. I would like to go somewhere once I have recovered from surgery and been told that I am cancer free. I think I will pick a place and if others want to come, so be it. Doug is afraid I will spend lots of money on something big and we don't have it. I really will do something VERY big is I am not cancer free or when and if it comes back! But for now, I would love to go to our time-share in La Romana and relax for a while, then others can come or not. But that isn't going to be for quite a while. I would love to promote a big family/friends reunion for next Christmas on a cruise ship or Club Med somewhere. I have to keep dreaming.

So here is to the completely unknown. I will try and make myself comfortable for the ride with all its ups and downs, twists and turns. I will kiss my husband and my kids every day that I can. That is my resolution.

To post comments

Just wanted everyone to know that I really appreciate the comments that are posted and would like to ask everyone to sign up in order to post the comment on my blog.

After reading a post, you can click on comments and sign up in order to post there. Please do this so that I can keep everyone in the loop who has been posting. Once you post a comment, it will have to be moderated by myself and when I publish it, it will show up.

I hope this helps everyone to post here on the blog!